"Let other pens dwell on guilt and misery."

Sarah made her way through the crowd of the shopping mall with shopping bags in both hands. It was the day before Christmas; the stores were busy and filled with people. She could hear the Christmas music playing throughout the building. Her last two stops were See’s candies and Forever 21. She was getting ready to see her boyfriend who was finally coming home after three months of touring. He was supposed to come two weeks before, but got held back playing Christmas shows in Anaheim and Seattle.

She was going to get his favorite kind of chocolate and pick out a dress to wear for his arrival. The house was already set up with Christmas decor and she was ordering Thai food take-out as soon as she got home. She wanted everything to be perfect, but then there was this little voice that kept telling her he’d let her down like various times before. He had during the summer when he spent his first week at home back from Warped with the guys. Then the Christmas before when he didn’t show up for dinner because traffic held him back (which she found to be a lame excuse). But this year she hoped it was different. She didn’t want to build herself up for disappointment.

After picking out chocolate at See’s, Sarah headed to Forever 21 where she spent twenty minutes searching around the store for a dress she liked. When she finally found one, she paid for it and was on her way out. As she walked to her car in the parking lot, her phone rang in the pocket of her faux leather jacket. Sarah managed to answer it, even though her hands were full. 

“Hello,” she answered.

“Hey sweetie. What are you up to?”

His gentle voice filled her ear, making her heart flutter. 

“Just doing last minute Christmas shopping. Where are you?”

“At my mom’s. She wanted me to stop by.”

“She’s making you set up the lights around the house, isn’t she?”

“Maybe…”

She laughed lightly. “So you’re really here? In Arizona?”

It was that small doubt speaking up - to be let down again would be devastating. The previous Christmas she didn’t speak to him for days. But with persuasion, he won her back. Always taking his word. He always got to her because deep down inside she knew she could never stay mad at him too long. No matter what.

“Yes I am. I’ll be at our house at eight.”

“Okay, I’ll see you then.”

“K and Sarah?”

She had reached her car and set some bags on top of the trunk to pull out the car keys from her bag. “Yeah?”

“I love you.”

Her heart skipped a beat again. Even after a year and a half, him saying those words made her react that way.

“I love you too.”


The first thing Sarah did was turn on the Christmas lights from outside when she got home. After that, she brought in all her shopping bags into the living room to sort it out. She took of her jacket and decided it’d be best to dress up before getting everything else she had to do done. Grabbing the new black bow dress she bought, Sarah got dressed in her room. She paired it up with some red flats and put her dark brown hair up in a ponytail. Once she was dressed, she grabbed a pen and her to-do list to bring it to the living room. With six things crossed out, she looked to see what else had to be done.

Order Thai food, wrap up gifts, set up the table, grab the wine and glasses from the garage, clean up the living room… Sarah followed this list in order, anxiously checking every half an hour to make sure she was done before eight o’clock. She played music to calm her nerves. Death Cab For Cutie, Imogen Heap, and Tom Petty. Just a few of the artists featured in the mix CD he had made for her over the summer. She played it almost every night to help her sleep when she was missing him the most. Three months without him in the summer were bad enough, but when he left again it felt worst. 

He was more of a visitor in this house, their house that they shared together. But she knew what she was getting into when their relationship became more serious. Dating a musician who’d be touring nine months of the year was tough. Though he’d call constantly and text her sweet messages as she worked and was at school, it never filled that empty void in her heart. The part that ached the most when she laid in bed alone every night in their bed. Or when saw couples walk into her work.

She couldn’t count how many times she had cried over him, because of him - sometimes both. Sometimes he’d ask herself why she would put herself through this. The answer was always the same: because she was in love with him. That was the only answer she needed.

As the clock got closer to eight, Sarah had managed to get everything done on her to-do list. The Thai food had come and was set down on the table in the plastic take-out bag. The gifts she had wrapped up were underneath the Christmas tree, including his. Now all she had to do was wait for him to come home. Waiting wasn’t something Sarah could manage, but over time she had become a patient person. She had to be. Months without him left her a wreck. But now that he was here in the state, in town, she didn’t feel like that anymore. He promised to be back home. She believed him.

That hope (at least what was left of it) began to deteriorate as the hand on the clock got closer to nine. Disappointment… again. Another year. She was all alone just like last Christmas Eve. All the preparation only to be left hanging by that shred of hope she contained. Sarah wouldn’t let herself cry, not this time around. She walked over to the set up dining table to pour herself a glass of wine. The food was beginning to get cold and the music had winded down to Death Cab’s “Transatlanticism.” Swirling the drink in the glass, she took a quick sip as she tried to hold herself together. 

She didn’t expect the sound of the door opening though. Her emotions had gotten the best of her then, a few stray tears rolling down her cheeks. She didn’t expect Kennedy to come an hour later than he said he would. She was used to him breaking promises. He walked into the living room, suitcases at hand. He was in a black hoodie with a gray jacket over, black jeans teared at the knee and his worn-out black lo-pro Vans. He set the suitcases aside, walking over to where she stood.

Sarah took a couple steps forward until she was face to face with him by the Christmas tree. He gave her a gentle grin as his hand reached out to remove an undried tear from her face. 

“Hey,” he softly said to her.

“Hey,” she said back, her voice meek.

“You thought I wasn’t going to come, didn’t you?”

She shook her head and he only sighed, biting down on his bottom lip. 

“I have a reason for being late.”

“Elaborate.”

“Well, I made a stop on the way home to get you this.”

He then pulled out a red diamond ring from his pocket to show her. 

“It’s a promise ring,” he explained. “I’m going to make you a promise I can’t break.”

He grabbed her left hand to slip the ring onto her ring finger as he said,

“I promise to be a better boyfriend and to stop disappointing you like I have before. You don’t deserve that, Sarah. You’re the best thing that has happened to my life.”

“Kennedy…,” she started to say, but her voice cracked. She was ready to cry tears of joy.

No other words were exchanged once he closed the small gap between them to plant a gentle kiss on her lips. Sarah swung her arms around his neck to hold onto him. He placed his hands on her waist, holding her close. He had never kissed her this way before - it was new and sent a blood rush to her heart.

When they pulled away, he whispered, “I love you.”

“Love you too.”

“You look very beautiful tonight by the way.”

Her face flushed. “Thanks.”

“What would you like to do now? We have all night.”

She twitched her mouth to the side. “Hmm, we can have dinner first and then open presents.”

“Any kissing in-between?”

She smiled. “Of course. We gotta catch up on our kissing.”

He chuckled as a smile crossed his lips. “Deal.”

Sarah pecked her lips again before taking his hand into hers as they sat down at the dining table, Kennedy told her,

“Merry Christmas Sarah. Forgot to say that after I gave you the ring.”

She grinned. “Don’t worry about it. I’m just glad you’re here. That’s all I wanted.”

He smiled at her once more - they were falling in love all over again. It was the season of hope and it was reinstalled in her. This was all she wanted for Christmas - just to be with Kennedy. That was all she need.